Today, the 16th is my mom's birthday. She moved on 24 Dec, 2015. This birthday will be the first without her. I have processed her death so it is not so traumatic. She was not perfect and spent many years as an alcoholic. One fact I can say is that she always supported me. She would listen to me and was my primary counselor when I went through a divorce. Actually, she was the one who encouraged me to ask Sveta out on her birthday. She was still in Montana at the time. We were talking on the phone and I did not know what to do about my birthday; I was all alone at the time. She suggested I ask someone out-a really strange comment considering the circumstances. I mentioned one person, Svetlana, but I told my mom that she would probably not go out with me nor should I at this time. But my mom told me to call and if she did not go, ask someone else. So I asked Svetlana, expecting to be turned down. Sveta asked me who was coming and I said only you. She was gracious to go with me and I figured we would be friends. At the Edelweiss restaurant (German), something happened inside me and I fell in love with Svetlana. That is ironic, because I did not like the dress she wore or talking with her. I initially thought the whole idea was a mistake and was waiting for it to end. Then one of the musicians came in and played "Edelweiss" on the guitar. Something transformed inside me about Sveta. So I owe my true love and best friend I ever had in my life to my mother.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Mathematics and sex
I was looking for an ice breaker for one of my classes and I recalled the old Ma and Pa Kettle math. A funny clip on how you do the math https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8XMeocLflc . Then I found an Abbott & Costello spoof on "7 into 28" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS2aEfbEi7s . In the list I saw a Ted Talk regarding Mathematics and Sex. I thought, how can you relate the two? The author was interesting, but I had to view two times through to try to access what was her point. She showed some formulas, but did not explain anything. I saw other related topics on sex.
As a sex addict, I was a little concerned about going down this path and watching these presentations on sex. Would it be like the alcoholic that has a drink or a drug addict that tries another drug. Yet, an Israeli, Ran Gavrieli, spoke on "why I stopped watching porn." he basically equated it to exploitation of women. He has a BA in gender studies and working on a PhD on the same topic. That means he has done extensive research on the topic. So the question lingers: "If pornography is bad in the long run, why is it so acceptable?" The proverb I read today comes to mind. There is a way that seems right to a person, but the end thereof is death (in Proverbs 14).
Gavrieli states: "Israel is not dealing with it. Not yet. Just like the U.S., the Israeli government cares more about money and taxes coming in from porn than it cares about [the] education, values and identity of the next generations.”
As a sex addict, I was a little concerned about going down this path and watching these presentations on sex. Would it be like the alcoholic that has a drink or a drug addict that tries another drug. Yet, an Israeli, Ran Gavrieli, spoke on "why I stopped watching porn." he basically equated it to exploitation of women. He has a BA in gender studies and working on a PhD on the same topic. That means he has done extensive research on the topic. So the question lingers: "If pornography is bad in the long run, why is it so acceptable?" The proverb I read today comes to mind. There is a way that seems right to a person, but the end thereof is death (in Proverbs 14).
Gavrieli states: "Israel is not dealing with it. Not yet. Just like the U.S., the Israeli government cares more about money and taxes coming in from porn than it cares about [the] education, values and identity of the next generations.”
Monday, May 9, 2016
The heart and sex - the negative
Well, the negative side of the heart and sex is more discussed. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9. Just when I think I have my heart guarded something springs up and I am off track...again. This verse explains why so many of us fall into sin. Only a blinded and proud person can say that he or she is above deceit. I remember a woman claiming she had not sinned in over 20 years. Must be nice. I cannot get through a single day without going off track. Lately, something has changed in my life. I do not seem to be drawn by the deceit of sex. As a sex addict, it seems to be lessened. I wish I knew the secret code; I have made many changes that perhaps lessen the draw. I am reading more books than spending time on the Internet. Without a television, I am not bombarded by the advertising and visual temptations. I spend more time in prayer and listening to the bible in my car. Also I listen to worship, although I find the increase in YouTube commercials annoying; I have not considered paying to turn them off. Reading and keeping busy with work and now with the spring weather- working out in the yard seems to keep me on a steadier path.
"For from within the hearts of men come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, ... adultery, ..." Mark 7:21. Evil thoughts come and go faster for me. I figured by now in my Christian life, the desires would go away, but, alas, they just keep coming. And the capacity for evil is scary. It just seems easier to admit the thoughts are there and move them out as soon as possible. Sometimes, I have to repent and turn directions. The trouble is we have to act like we are perfect as Christians and do not have an outlet to confess our sins. Sure you can confess to God, but there is something about confessing to each other.
"For from within the hearts of men come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, ... adultery, ..." Mark 7:21. Evil thoughts come and go faster for me. I figured by now in my Christian life, the desires would go away, but, alas, they just keep coming. And the capacity for evil is scary. It just seems easier to admit the thoughts are there and move them out as soon as possible. Sometimes, I have to repent and turn directions. The trouble is we have to act like we are perfect as Christians and do not have an outlet to confess our sins. Sure you can confess to God, but there is something about confessing to each other.
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