Emotions - guard

Dealing with emotions can be challenging at times. We become stimulated and our emotions begin to take in a positive or sometimes negative direction. I have many positive emotions in my life at this time. It is a time of joy and my Sveta brings that joy to me. Looking back into my past, I can remember the wounds from my parents. Then in college I heard a teaching on forgiveness. That very night I called up each of my parents and forgave them. Since then I had a good relationship with them. Had I not made the decision to override my feelings, who knows how many years I would have carried it inside of me. Forgiving really takes more power than fostering the feelings but the positive outcomes seem to elude our feelings.  As the feelings are reinforced, the brain builds the pattern so that the memory follows the path of least resistance i.e. the one that is reinforced. In renewing our mind we create new paths in the brain and the old ones diminish.
    What really upsets me is when I went to two people who I had damaged the relationship-actually it was both sides, but I am responsible for my part. I confessed my sin to the person, said that I was sorry for hurting them, and asked for forgiveness. Each person did forgive me in the conversation. However, niether person acknowledged how I had been wounded. Their actions and words hurt me. Why do people not reconcile when  they know they hurt soemone? Over time the memory will emerge-the devil probably gives it a boost-and I have to stop myself and make a consciuos effort to forgive again. If I let the emotion go too far I end up having to ask God to forgive me for my  thoughts-sometimes quite evil and change my thoughts. It reminds me of "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (Proverbs 4). I  try to reolve the emotion as soon as possible and usually enclose it and deal with it within a matter of minutes. I know some people who go on about a hurt for 30-40 minutes and bring it up multiple times in my presence. Who knows how much they grind over the hurt. I also notice these people are frequently sick and have a negative outlook on life. The emotions and thinking carries over to the body. I make it a point to guard my heart by confessing my sins as soon as possible and forgiving others. 

Open confession

As I processed confessing sins this Proverb came up in my daily reading.
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. Proverbs 28:13.
I looked at definitions for renounce. This one makes sense in this context: "officially give up or turn away from". From vocabulary.com.
It reminds me of a message from our pastor about 2 weeks ago. Paul was in Ephesus and this event happened. "Many of those who believed now came and openly confessed what they had done." Acts 19:18. We do not know for sure but it appears to be a spontaneous response to recognizing sin. We do not really hear or experience it much. It takes a conscious effort or an overwhelming flood of emotions to come to the place to confess. We typically take the path to confess to God based on "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."  To confess gets the sin out of us and opens up the cleansing process. How much shold we confess to others. First you would need to have a secure relationship. I have made it a point to confess my sins to Sveta. That open confssion seems to difuse the influence of sin in my life. So the most important part is to confess to God, yet confessing the another person may be a good way to lesson the impact of sin in our lives.

Emotions and adfiction part 2

This topic is very difficult; being transparent has its negative risks. I figure God knows everything and there will eventually be no secrets. I went to do some research, that's what doctoral people do and found an interesting study. A Christian porn study found out that 97% of self-identified Christians had viewed pornography. My question would be: What about the other 3%. Did they tell the truth? Do they have access to the Internet? Are they on life support or something else? Such is the life of a researcher-there are always unknowns. Lookìng at the other categories for pornography, we have an epedemic. Yet we hardly address it in church, if at all. I am overwhelmed by this. I was in a men's group that met weekly for several years. No one every brought up sexual issues (that  I recall). We even did a study on sexual purity and it seemed like everyone seemed to have it together but me. I wonder how many others like me could not confess. The stigma really mpacts our minds to openly confess andbe healed. How many guys are suffering because they fall into sin and try to take the indiviualistic "Lone Ranger" approach. I have felt that way many times myself. Then I consider all the male orphans and all the variables that influence their lives and it is a supernatural battle to overcome. I definitely need the renewing of the mind to be able to transform it for God's power to flow through and help the orphans. My next objective is to have a pure heart like my Sveta so that I can see the kingdom of God.

2014 ProvenMen.org Christian Porn Survey (conducted by Barna Group). The survey results are located at www.ProvenMen.org/2014PornStudy/Christian-Porn-Stats

Emotion and memory - addiction

I am on a role here, but I will take another approach and come back to sex. We look at the bad effects of poernography, drugs, alcohol, etc. - the pereived heavy addictions. What about overeating and greed. These topics are rarely addressed in Christin circles. I can remember Sveta talking about her  workplace in the dialysis center. The dietician would mention to people that they  should lose weight. Some patients would become upset and even file complaints. Although the change would greatly improve their health, they preffered to rely on medical science alone to oslve their health problems. Are we so sensitive that we will not admit to overeating. We all feel pleasure in eating at imes. Food desires are kept in our memory. Cells retain a memory of desirable foods in the mind. Sveta bought me several boxes of cinamon Alltoids. I would consume one each time that I took a trip in the car. After several months I ran out. For weeks I would get in the car and my body would crave an Alltoid. The memory would trigger when I got into the car and my body would want an Alltoid. My emotions were also supporting this desire for weeks and I felt somewhat negative for a few moments until the urge passed.
     And what about materialism addiction? I recall one story about a man who's wife died. He lived in a large house. One room had wall shelves and closets that were filled with shoes. The wife had bought thousands of expensive shoes. She liked goìng shopping for shoes. To keep the emotional rush, one would have to go out and shop for another pair of shoes. I wonder how this scripture applies to the relationship of ou r mind to our emotions and memory: The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:6. 

Emotions and memory - sex

As I was pondering the last entry, the scripture encourages us to renew our minds. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:1. This process will be a difficult topic to work through when I approach the topic of sex. The concept has so many taboos in the Christian world and because we will not talk abut it, we have such a problem. I am addicted to sex. I do not get the rush that some people have from money i.e. spending or having power over others or perhaps some other rush like cigarettes, alcohol, or narcotics. I have never tried marijuana or other illegl drug, so I cannot speak about them, but I tried some things to get a rush and the after effect was so bad, one could say it cured me for life. However, I am addicted to sex. My memory wants to reach that rush. I remember when I was 16 and I had the first desire for a partnership with a woman. It is complicated to articulate what I went through, but I had to deal with my own emotions and the pollution of the world. I went through years and years of trying to start a relationship and experiencing rejection or feelings that I was not good enough for someone. Like a lot of guys, someone got a copy, in our case a stack of Playboys and we looked at the pictures. The text was boring. As a teenager I remember looking for the rush  from the visual. In my case, I did not know what intercourse would be like so I had no concept for imagining that aspect of sex. Then I went off to college and restrained for 12 years. I do not want to excuse my sin, and I have repented many times. Yet the devil would get into my thoughts and I would slowly agree and choose a path that I was not designed for. I woud binge for a few days, feel guilty and turn away for months. Finally I broke the cycle with God's help. I  really thought I was cured, but struggled with sex. Another 12 years goes by and then the proliferation of the Internet changed my world. Before a person had to go out and get it; now it comes to the person. I binged again I woud give into the desire seeking that rush, become disapointed in myself, repent and abstain for several months to a year. When Svetlana came into my life, it went away. When I have a sexual dream or the devil puts thoughts into my mind, I can quickly contain it and focus on Sveta. Although the influence of these thoughts is negative I  am now able to turn it around in a matter of minutes. Am I still addicted to sex? (Sveta says it is time for luch, so I will have to continue this in the next blog).

 cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. Proverbs 17:22.

Emotions and memory

When the topic of emotions comes to mind, we have choices. Yet our brain is still programmed to take the path of least resistance hased on previous emotions. We have a chemical reaction in our cells. The memory keeps feeding itself when certain emotions wre triggered. I consider how we have additctions until we can gain self-control or the desire "burns out"-I am not sure how to describe the later. When I went away on my mission for three years, a desire gor sweet food slowly burned out. I did not notice it until I returned to the US. For a few weeks my body would go into shaking spells. I realized that my intake of sugar increased signifcantly and I had sugar fits. For several years in the Army I was addicted to Mt. Dew. I liked the taste and convinced myself that I needed the caffeine due to the long hours I worked. Psycologically I justified my drive and had a six pack of Mt. Dew each Saturday of my master's classes to stay alert for 4 hours of lecture. I made almost every one of the 96 lectures in those 2 years. Looking back I was more emotionally addicted than physically. We say we are physically addicted, but are we not more emotionally addicted and our cells hold the chemical memory? We look for that rush from the chemical reaction in our bodies. We find ways to justify our addictions. They start out small, but our emotions want more and we increase the dosage to attain that rush. Then consider  negative emotions of hatred, anxiety, fear, etc.  We do have a rush from emotional responses to thoughts or situations that influence us. These negative emotions release chemical processes that minimize the optimal functioning of the cells. The cells are not able to produce enough proteins to properly systain our bodies. Our minds can go into a fog because we deprive our body of what it needs. In Romans 12 it states: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will. Training our minds impacts our emotions and our body. This concept opens up quite a number of thoughts for me. How can I overcome these negative chemical reactions. Renewing my mind has become a significant turn around since Svetlana came into my life. Next to the Spirit of God she has had the most influence on me in my adult life. I am inspired by the Spirit and Sveta to continue to renew my mind; that involves unlearning many false beliefs I have and acknowledging what is actually true.

Quatum physics and the supernatural Final

I was more disappointed with the movie ""What the bleep do we know" for three reasons.
1. They describe how the native americns did not see Columbus's as they approached because they had no concepts of clipper ships. The native americans had canoes and ships with sails in the Carribean. The ships would not be invisible any more than planes would be to those who never say them. The segment was based on a myth.

2. They talked about this Ramtha, a 35,000 year old being. There is no evidence that any creature has lived in our world more than a 1,000 years. At best someone had a vision of a spirit and most likey a demon posing as light. It came accross more like a New Age concept of a cosmic consciousness.


3. The movie colcludes with the topic that we are gods. In other words we create our own God. It is a belief that humankind and the metaphysical will become an enhance race of beings in a God-like state. The creators of the film have fallen for a counterfeit.

My take away. When we try to describe the dimensions beyond ourselves we create our own world. We want to believe in the world beyond and find ways to describe it or take impression from spiritual beings. The only reliable description we have for the supernatural is the bible. Jesus really opens up a lot of supernatural concepts for us to ponder. 

Quantum physics and the supernatural part 2

If the subatomic world does not follow our macro-level rules, is it the link to the supernatural? Particles seem to appear and disappear from our universe. They are also not bound by time or space. They can be in nultiple locations at the same time and in multiple times in the same location. If we could influence these particles could we walk on water, walk through doors and walls, stop the wind, and ascend into the sky like Jesus? There is some element of faith in which our minds can actually command the subatomic particles to form a collective to accomplish these seemingly impossible tasks? Faith is the catalyst that bridges the natural and supernatural. I am always challenged by the verse Mathew 21:21 Jesus replied, "Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. I am challenged by this concept. I look at Pikes Peak and think, "What would it take to command that mountain to move into the Pacific Ocean. Realistically the mountain is mostly empty space. Energy holds it together. If if I think I have enough faith, am I without doubt. I try to move a rock and it still sits there. I have so much to unlearn and learn about the supernatural. On aositive note, I am starting to believe that I can actully impact the lifes of millions of orphans.

Quantum physics and the supernatural

I am watching a movie on quantum physics called "What the bleep do we know?" Interesting concepts on the universe and how we fit in. How do we describe systems that are beyond our 4 dimensions of length, width, height, and time? At the sub atomic level the particles are known to have different rules. They appear and disappear, but our mass remains the same. They can be at more than one location at the same time and at various times. As humans we are bound by linear time. We may have some premonitions of the future, but we cannot change the past. If we could go back and change the past, we would be on a multi-linear time line. I can think of some situations that I would like to go back and change, but if everyone could do that, there would be no stability in the world. Our brains could not process it and we would have more chaos than order. Our actions impact others and if changes were that easy to make we would get lost in the turbulence and upheaval. Although I do not want to live with some of my failures, I realize a linear time line protects us in one sense. We need to accept our circumstances and in the case of relationships forgive and ask forgiveness. Acceptance of circumstances and forgiveness is really for our benefit and also it may or may not impact others.

Praying for people at Walmart?

Ok, how do I explain the supernatural breakthrough that I am experiencing. I am unlearning the lack of faith and defeatist tendencies of my past. How do we undo years of programming that the devil and others put into our thinking? I decided that I would break out of my programming and develop supernatural exercises and tasks. I  was in the Walmart parking lot waiting for someone. As I sat watching the door for that person to emerge, it hit me to pray for people as they walked into and left Walmart. Since the flow of people was faily constant, I often could only speak out a word or phrase. I spoke out words such as peace, salvation, love, faith, understanding, etc. Or a short phrase such as find Christ or have a dream about the supernatural or think about Christ or some other short thought. I had to trust the Spirit to speak the words. Of course the brain thinks, what is one phrase going to really impact a person. But my faith believed something would happen in each prayer . I stopped praying for myself about 20 or more years ago. I  made a habit to pray for others. I estimate about 120 people passed accross my vision, some twice. Even though I will never know the results in this lifetime, I will continue to look beyind my own world and somehow to see it as God does. 

Flash back - Istanbul part 2 - God protects His word!

I always wanted to go back to Istanbul to see how it has changed. From yesterday's story about my flashback from Istanbul, I figured it would be interesting to explain how I managed to get Russian gospels of John into the country. I took the entire risk on myself to put the gospel into my red backpack. It was the one I owned, since I was 14 and hiked many times in the Cascade range. My memosphere is lacking, but I believe I had around 50 booklets. The plan involved putting them on Soviet ships passing through Istanbul (between the Black and Mediterranean Seas).

We traveled from Italy by bus through Yugoslavia to Thessaloniki, Greece. An earthquake hit the city that year and one could see many damaged buildings. I went swimming in the sea and was puzzled by the murky waters. It was not clean as the coast of Yugoslavia. Yet it was refreshing in the summer heat. I always liked to explore so I walked around the city. I am not sure why I was out again at 2 am, but I saw 2 men whom I noticed in the afternoon. They had a table in the street in front of a house. At that time at night, they we still talking, drinking, and eating.

We got up the next day and boarded the train to Istanbul. At the border we had to disembark onto a large area of dirt to change trains. The Turkish police came through and searched everyone. Since I was a veteran bible courier, I was concerned, but not terrified or discouraged. I believed God would get the gospels through just as I experienced in every trip. Right next to me was a middle-eastern (Turkish?) woman with some bags. I watched the police open her bag and then an exchange of words. The woman started screaming and all the border guards rushed over. Several hauled her out of the area. When they came back to resume checking, they somehow skipped me and went through the bags of everyone else. God protected his word! We boarded the Turkish train and proceeded to Istanbul.

Flashback - Istanbul

Perhaps I need to write an autobiography, but it would be hard to be objective. Anyway, I woke up in the middle of the night with this experience. I was on a mission to Istanbul with Russian gospels of John. Crossing the border is a whole different story. Our team found a youth hostel to stay for three weeks. The first morning, I recall waking up and looking out the third story window. Looking out into the streets of Istanbul was interesting on this bright summer day. Within a few minutes, I saw a man run out of our building into the street. He turned and fired a couple of shots through the door. Then it was a surreal scene. People were hitting the ground, hiding behind cars and trees, and ducking into stores and buildings along the street. Why I kept staring out the window is still a mystery to me; intuitively I noticed the person did not look up at me. I noticed that he had a hand made pistol. He ran up the street. Two other men came out of the building with their hands in their suit jacket. I also noticed each had a pistol and they were checking the surrounding area. They happened to notice the other man cresting the hill and they took off after him. Later we found out that the youth hostel was a staging area for the Turkish Communist Party. We found ourselves in a place that was connected to Moscow, but beyond that we did not know what was going on. 

The Lottery

The $1.5 billion lottery has created much discussion. I do not buy lottery tickets, because it is not my style. I also read that type A personalities tend to not engage in lotteries because they have lessor satisfaction from the outcome. They would rather work on a one out of three odds than do nothing with a chance of one out of three. McClelland states: " They prefer to work at a problem rather than leave the outcome to chance or to others" (p. 74). Some type As probably buy lottery tickets, but not as a habit. I consider myself a reformed type A. Perhaps wisdom taught me that my objectives and goals are on a longer timeline than planned. I am diligent to continually work, but not that possessed with getting things done on a timeline.

My bigger point would be-what if I won a big jackpot? How would I spend it. People who win the big ones tend to go bankrupt. They acquire and do not know how to maintain their wealth. If I won, would I have the fortitude to manage the money, avoid the scammers and opportunists, and family and friends that come out of the woodwork?  Ideally I would invest in the orphan problem. I would also pay off all debts and figure out enough to do two mission trips per year for about 20 years. of course I am projecting into the future. Would I really carry it out. We all have good indentations. What would we really do when confronted with such a large sum of money?


Reference
McClelland, D. C. (1966). Achievement Motivation. In W. M. Natemeyer, J. (Ed.), Classics of Organizational Behavior (pp. 73-80). Long Grove, IL: Waveland Press, Inc.

Adult orphans celebrate Russian Christmas

From: https://www.facebook.com/orphanstree/
On this Orthodox Christmas Day, Orphan's Tree takes this opportunity to thank you for your love, care and support for the orphans we serve. In late December, there were Christmas parties in each of the three regions where we work. These are always special times of gathering to see long time friends and update staff members who have supported them over the years. It really has the feel of a family reunion. At the Vladimir Ministry Center where nearly 200 orphans enjoyed the Christmas festivities, Sasha said, "Although my son and I now live in Kolchugino, we could not miss the Christmas party. I have known many of the ministry center staff members since childhood. They helped me when I graduated from the orphanage, while I studied in Vladimir, taught me how to become an independent person, they stayed by me when I had a child, helped me with housing, and still support me in everything. For me to come to this event, is like coming to relatives, especially on such a holiday! I was happy to see all the mothers with their children. Many of them I know well, but there were a lot of brand new moms. Everything was great - so many positive emotions! My son participated in all the competitions, and even recited a poem to Father Frost. Thank you very much for the gifts and treats, and most importantly that you are always near!”

Interesting findings on orphans

No child under three years of age should be placed in institutional carewithout a parent or primary caregiver, according to research from 32 European countries, including nine in-depth country studies, which considered the “risk of harm in terms of attachment disorder, developmental delay and neural atrophy in the developing brain."



Source: Childcentre.info (Executive Summary)



Children raised in orphanages have an IQ 20 points lower than their peers in foster care, according to a meta-analysis of 75 studies (more than 3,800 children in 19 countries).



Source: IQ of Children Growing Up in Children's Homes A Meta-Analysis on IQ Delays in Orphanages

As I look into 2016 i mourned my mom on the last day of 2015 in the desert-see last post. On the first day of 2016 I put together this memorial in in the desert to remember my mom. The word mom is on the bottom. The rock on the right represents the personalities of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The arrow represents a true direction in my life's journey. The dark rock reminds me of the darkness in the world and my role to bring light to a suffering world.

In the desert to mourn

On December 31st, I went on a walk into the desert to process my mom's passing. When I crossed over the big wash, I climbed a hill. From there I saw some pits and the Spirit lead me in that direction. They appeared to be old mine shafts. What thoughts came over me were unexpected. I had a vision of people falling into the pits. They were trapped in the mineshafts and could not get out. It came clear to me that I needed to help people get of the pits and onto solid ground. The group of people to come to mind first are the orphans. After that I need to be in the Spirit to see how He will lead.